Doing this should be easier . . . but it's not

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, 

with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. - Philippians 4:6

One of the main reasons I worked so hard on losing weight was for my health. I didn't (still don't!) want to develop Type II diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, or a host of other ailments that come with lugging around extra pounds. After a lifetime of being overweight, it's probably too late for my joints, but according to my doctor my cardiovascular system is now in tiptop shape.

The rest of me, on the other hand, is a different story. All that effort to "get healthy" and my health decided to take a nosedive shortly afterward. Since May of this year I've been diagnosed with kidney stones, renal tubular acidosis (a blood condition that leads to recurring stones), osteoporosis (most likely caused by the RTA), Vitamin D deficiency, and in just the last couple of days what I thought was another stone has turned out to be a likely ovarian cyst.

Despite my sarcasm and dry sense of humor, I have a naturally optimistic personality. I like being happy. I like looking on the bright side. I don't see anything wrong with being slightly Pollyanna-ish about life. Occasionally, I'm downright idealistic. It's easy for me to obey the Scripture from Philippians: "What, me worry? I'm not worried!"

Well, duh. Of course I'm not worried. There's nothing to worry about when things are going well.

What I've learned - and am still learning, to be honest - from all of this health stuff is that my lack of worry says more about my control issues than it does about any great amount of faith I have. If anything, it's shown me how weak my faith is. Sitting in a doctor's exam room, waiting for test results, is a scary moment that reveals a lot about where my trust is. Is it in CT scans, bloodwork, and outpatient surgeries (which are all amazing, life-saving tools, by the way)? Or is it in the knowledge that God knows what's wrong with me and, no matter what, has promised that I will never be abandoned?

There is no neat and tidy ending to this blog post. I haven't figured out how not to be anxious. But maybe constant, necessary reminders of how faithful and loving God is will help me AND you.