Step 2: The scale has nothing to do with it

I was 4 when this song first came out. I swear to you that I was in my 20s before I 

randomly heard it on the radio one day and realized it was NOT about going to the gym. Trufax.

I am no stranger to diets. 

Slimfast? South Beach? A brief flirtation with Atkins? Check, check, and check. EDiets, Weight Watchers, and “Eat less, move more” have all made one or more appearances in my life. Some were healthier options than others, but the aim – what was in my head whenever I started any of these  – was that this time I was going to get thin. This would be the plan that worked. It was going to be magic and the numbers on the scale would be small. I would be normal weight. 

Looking back on my thought process in January 2009 I realize now that something was much, much different than it had been in the past: Initially, I had NO concern about the scale, none at all. I didn’t even own a scale until March of that year, so my “starting weight” is an estimation based on that Christmas doctor’s visit. No, despite the fact that it was a number on the scale that shocked me into doing something, my real concern from Day 1 was that I physically felt crappy . . . BUT I remembered that there had been in a time in my past when I physically felt really good – when I lived in China and had been so active. The kicker is that at that point I was healthy, active, and overweight. So honestly, when I started all this, that’s what I aiming for. Some incidental weight loss was in the back (or front) of my mind, sure, but I was really just hoping to feel better. 

(Here is where I take a moment and express an opinion that might not be popular but which I believe 100% to be true: Fat is not the end of the world. There are many, many, MANY more things that are worse than being fat. The word itself, “fat,” doesn’t bother me. I was fat for many years. I was unhealthy fat, and healthy fat – yep, it’s possible! – and I might one day be fat again. Please be aware that I don’t use “healthy” as a euphemism for “thin,” because I absolutely don’t think they’re synonymous. Is being 500 pounds healthy? Probably not, but being “normal weight” doesn’t automatically mean you’re fit. OK, off soapbox!)

With all that in mind, Step 2 had pretty much nothing to do with a diet, or even food at all. Step 2 involved me getting off my butt and moving again. 

This post is getting a little long, so in the next post I’ll go into what exactly my beginning “exercise” plan looked like. Thanks for reading – now go get off your rear. :)

Step 1: I don't feel so good

This has nothing to do with the content of this post, really, but it includes the 

word "stairs" and is pretty funny. Actually, it seems like something I would do.

 

It's Christmas tradition in the Hoosier household that someone must get sick. For years my mom took the bullet (you really don't want to know details about the drive one year down to Florida . . . no, really, you don't) but Christmas 2009 it was my turn. It started out as a cold but by the day after Christmas my sore throat was miserable enough to force me to go to the walk-in clinic down the road from my sister's house. It was there that I stepped on a scale for the first time in forever. Yuck.

Let's back up a bit and say that I've always been overweight. My joke is that they last time I was "normal" weight was when I was born. I would also sometimes joke that I was normal weight - for a person who's 6'5". (You didn't laugh? I always thought those were clever.) Anyway, that fact that I was overweight was not a shocker. But what was so eye-opening, when I acknowledged it that day in the doc's office, was how physically bad I felt being so heavy.

You see, while living in China my level of physical activity was pretty dadgum active. A regular day would see me walk around campus 2+ miles to and from classes, walk a mile down to the grocery store, lug heavy bags back home (sometimes I took the bus to the store, but I hated the bus with a fiery passion so if the weather was nice, I walked), then carry all those bags up the 7 flights of stairs to my apartment. My last year in China I started to do some exercise videos in addition to all this. I lost some weight, but the real difference was that I felt strong, and more fit than I'd ever been in my life. I wasn't running marathons but my body was capable of doing what I asked it to do.

I returned home from China in August 2008, and by December 2009 my daily activity level was no more than the typical American's. Lord help me, I'd even started lapping parking lots to find a closer spot! Besides the weight gain of loss of exercise, there was also the weight gain of coming home to rich food, the constant availability of snacks, and humongous portions that seem to be the US's trademark.

So when I got on that scale in the walk-in clinic on December 26, 2009, I was shocked. Yeah, my clothes were tight, and sure, I huffed and puffed a lot. Come to think of it, my left knee - which has given me trouble for years, for some reason - was really achy all the time. Oh, yeah, it had been forever since I'd even taken a walk around the block. Yep, I was really tired all the time, and I was depending on regular infusions of caffeine and/or sugar to keep my energy up. Sure, all this was true, but . . . what was I supposed to do about it?

The answer, initially, was NOTHING. Remember, I don't make New Year's resolutions. :) And my mom had magic cookie bars to finish up. Priorities, people!

But by mid-January, I knew I had to do something. The next post will cover Step 2 - which might not be what you think it is. Stay tuned!

No resolutions for me!

Oops - December ran away from me. I apologize profusely to the three or four people who read my blog.

Now that the holiday season has passed, Lexus and Kay Jewelery commercials have moved on to Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers commercials. I can't decide which annoy me more - basically ALL commercials - but I do enjoy the cycling of advertising: the excesses of December naturally flow into the strictness of January, as we all try to make up for the damage we did with baked goods.

I've noticed quite a few friends on FB, as well in real life, who have made New Year's resolutions to get healthier. Today at Publix (where shopping is a pleasure!) the cashier noticed all the veggies, fruit, and other "healthy" food in my cart and commented that she had seen many people today who were also buying healthier stuff. I wanted to tell her that this wasn't exceptional for me, that this was how I ate all the time, but the sugar-black-hole that engulfed me between Thanksgiving and New Year's would have made a liar out of me.

The truth is, I don't make New Year's resolutions. Two years ago, however, I made a mid-January decision (obviously completely different!) and started to eat better, exercise more, and by the end of  2010 I had lost a heck of a lot of weight.

Over the course of the next few blog posts I'm going to post about my weight loss - what I did and how I did it. I decided to do this for a couple of different reasons:
1. Several people have asked - mostly via FB messages - for info about my weight loss. I'm always happy to answer questions, but I thought it might be easier to have it all written out here, as a reference for those interested.
2. I need some maintenance motivation. The previously-mentioned holiday sugar fest has my jeans feeling pretty tight. I'm sure that sharing a little about my journey here will give me a boost of encouragement and a fair amount of accountability.

Today's post is just a short intro for the next few posts. If you have a specific question you'd like me to address when I write, feel free to leave a comment or send an email or message me on FB. This is also where I give a BIG, GIGANTIC disclaimer and say I'm not an expert, a physician, or anything other than a person with some experience and an opinion. Feel free to ignore me if you'd like. My sister usually does. :)

Last thing - I couldn't resist showing some pictures of me from 2009 and some pictures of me now. Again, this is mostly just for some encouragement as I resist chocolate over the next few days and remember that I really do enjoy green vegetables.

This is July 2009. I apologize to my friend Becca - I blacked out her head because I didn't know if she'd want to be on the blog. She's adorable, trust me. 

This is a graduation at an evening school I used to teach at. I'm pretty sure this is April of 2009. 

October 2009, with a class of students. 

Brazilian food is delicious and not calorie-counting friendly in the least.

This is from Thanksgiving of this year. Not only do I love the Gators, I now enjoy sweating. What a difference 2 years can make!

October 2011, with my cousin Lindy. She's an LSU fan, bless her heart.

Doing this should be easier . . . but it's not

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, 

with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. - Philippians 4:6

One of the main reasons I worked so hard on losing weight was for my health. I didn't (still don't!) want to develop Type II diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, or a host of other ailments that come with lugging around extra pounds. After a lifetime of being overweight, it's probably too late for my joints, but according to my doctor my cardiovascular system is now in tiptop shape.

The rest of me, on the other hand, is a different story. All that effort to "get healthy" and my health decided to take a nosedive shortly afterward. Since May of this year I've been diagnosed with kidney stones, renal tubular acidosis (a blood condition that leads to recurring stones), osteoporosis (most likely caused by the RTA), Vitamin D deficiency, and in just the last couple of days what I thought was another stone has turned out to be a likely ovarian cyst.

Despite my sarcasm and dry sense of humor, I have a naturally optimistic personality. I like being happy. I like looking on the bright side. I don't see anything wrong with being slightly Pollyanna-ish about life. Occasionally, I'm downright idealistic. It's easy for me to obey the Scripture from Philippians: "What, me worry? I'm not worried!"

Well, duh. Of course I'm not worried. There's nothing to worry about when things are going well.

What I've learned - and am still learning, to be honest - from all of this health stuff is that my lack of worry says more about my control issues than it does about any great amount of faith I have. If anything, it's shown me how weak my faith is. Sitting in a doctor's exam room, waiting for test results, is a scary moment that reveals a lot about where my trust is. Is it in CT scans, bloodwork, and outpatient surgeries (which are all amazing, life-saving tools, by the way)? Or is it in the knowledge that God knows what's wrong with me and, no matter what, has promised that I will never be abandoned?

There is no neat and tidy ending to this blog post. I haven't figured out how not to be anxious. But maybe constant, necessary reminders of how faithful and loving God is will help me AND you.

"You're a mean one . . . "

Why did Max stay with the Grinch? It's a mystery for the ages.

Yesterday was the last day of classes for the term (can I get a hallelujah?). Students have 4 weeks off from classes and have slowly been trickling away, taking flights back home to see their families, rest, and probably forget most of the English they've learned this semester. Sigh.

I knew that my last class - a listening and speaking class for high beginning students - was going to be VERY sparsely attended and that those who did come weren't going to be too excited to conquer another chapter in their textbooks, no matter how interesting I made the material on "Verbs for Daily Living." So I thought it through and decided that an educational, instructional movie was what was needed. The good thing about ESL? It's all educational and instructional. :) (Of course you have to prepare good materials, yadda yadda yadda . . . I'm just saying that authentic language is everywhere.)

In the spirit of the season, we watched a classic. No, not "A Christmas Story" - too advanced for these students, and I really don't think they would have understood the humor of "a major award." Instead, we watched "How the Grinch Stole Christmas." The original cartoon version, of course, none of this Jim Carrey nonsense. We went over some vocabulary first, and I presented the characters and a basic plot outline. We made predictions and summarized and paraphrased - all the necessary teacher stuff that makes students hate books and movies shown in class. But, despite me trying to take all of the joy out of it, my class loved it.

They laughed when the Grinch put antlers on Max and he tipped forward. They ooh-ed and aah-ed over the beautiful decorations in Who-ville. I gave them the lyrics to the songs beforehand, and they spontaneously began seeing "Fahoo foray, dahoo doray, welcome Christmas come this way," with all of the Whos in Who-ville every time it came up. Seriously. Three grown men from different countries, un-ironically singing along with a cartoon. Reason #23871 I love my job.

I've seen the Grinch so many times I could quote whole stanzas, but seeing it with people who had never seen it before and didn't know the story was so fun. It helped me see things I had forgotten (or never realized). For example, the Whos absolutely love Christmas, right? They sing odes to it, for Pete's sake. But even the Whos don't decorate until Christmas Eve. No crazy three month run-up to Christmas for them. Also, I realized how vile the Grinch himself actually is. He's not some cartoon villain - he steals food! He lies to toddlers! He abuses animals! I really wouldn't touch him with a 39 and a half foot pole.

Watch a Christmas classic with someone who hasn't seen it before this holiday season. It's a guaranteed good time. I have some students I can lend you, if you need someone. :)

Have a great day!

Don't get confused

I heard an important truth the other day, and thought I would pass it along:

Simple does not mean easy.

Because I'm a teacher, I'll illustrate this with some examples:
- It's simple to wake up when my alarm goes off at 5:30 (but not easy).
- It's simple to run 2-4 miles (but I'm NEVER going to call that easy).
- It's simple to avoid overeating dessert (but not easy, especially if you happen to be near my mama's amazing Magic Cookie Bars).
- It's simple to keep in touch with old and dear friends (but not easy, and getting harder for me the older I get and the more spread out we all are).
- It's simple to do things that will lead to spiritual growth - prayer, Scripture reading and meditation, study and thoughtful discussion (but not easy when I allow myself to become busy and burdened).
- It's simple to turn off the TV and do something more productive instead (but not easy to break out of old habits).

I'm sure you get the point.

When I get these two things confused, it becomes so easy to get discouraged at the first sign of trouble. Because I expected my simple problem to be solved easily, I have no reservoir of  perseverance when hard times come. And come they do, sooner or later.

What's your simple problem that won't be solved easily?

Physics and me

This is a funny joke. Trust me.

Let's be honest, I don't remember much about high school science; I was much more of a music/history/English nerd. I remember Mr. Adams allowing us to use a 3x5 index card of formulas on physics tests and his endless stories about the boat he was restoring. I remember my graphing calculator coming in handy on the AP Chemistry exam and Mrs. Dyer going through tons of overhead acetates as she calculated molarities (but heck if I remember what molarity is!).

I do remember the second law of thermodynamics because I'm pretty sure it describes life perfectly.

What? You never had a second law of thermodynamics epiphany and need me to recap? OK, but just this once. Pay attention please.*

I'm really only talking about an aspect of thermodynamics here, something called entropy. Entropy has to do with energy and heat and complex physics-type thingies, but (at the risk of over-simplifying) what it all boils down to is that, unless acted upon by an outside force, the universe tends toward chaos.

Finally, an explanation for my bedroom! And my car, and my desk at work, and my, um, life.

I tend toward chaos. We tend toward chaos. Jokes about messiness aside (although, since that's the title and theme of my blog/life, I'm not so sure it's a joke) I see this "law" at work in my relationships, my teaching, my health and fitness, my spiritual life . . . if I don't live with intentionality and purpose, I'm going to slowly drift into laziness and stagnation and end up further from my goals than when I started.

People (me, too!) like to believe that wonderful things will happen to us magically. We call it coincidence, fate, destiny, serendipity, luck, or a thousand other names. But we're really saying is that we don't want to have to work for what we want - one day, we'll just wake up speaking Chinese fluently, or weighing 50 pounds less, or able to run a marathon, or creating an effective and interesting writing curriculum. We (me, too!) are lying to ourselves.

It's a harsh but realistic truth: We rarely just stumble into something good. Growth - be it personal, spiritual, emotional - takes work. Work is hard. Work sometimes sucks. It takes time and effort and can be a long and arduous process. It forces us to acknowledge our weaknesses and confront them and then make intentional decisions about what to do to overcome them. We can't cop out when we live this way - we have to face truths about ourselves that we would prefer to avoid.

I hope no one thinks I'm talking about legalism or earning grace or seeking perfection. As I've said before, we don't have to be good at everything. But I do think we are called to live lives of purpose and focus and make the best of what we've been given. Churchy types call this good stewardship, and non-churchy types might just call this being a "good person," but the goal - not to waste what we've been entrusted with - deserves our attention. We shouldn't let our raw material go to waste.

Are you waiting for the good news? I think this is the good news. :) I think God's empowered us to make decisions and take responsibility for ourselves. I think that's a pretty amazing (and perhaps intimidating) opportunity.

Those are my post-Thanksgiving ponderings. I would love to hear some of your thoughts as you chow down on leftover turkey and never-stuffing-always-cornbread-dressing.

Have a great weekend!

*I am not a scientist. I do, however, watch the Big Bang Theory on a semi-regular basis, and am therefore more than qualified to explain complicated scientific concepts. Plus I googled it.