Quitting: Just say no

Self-awareness brings some pretty unflattering realizations about yourself, like this one for me:

I am a quitter. If quitting is an available option, then I will - sooner or later - inevitably choose to quit. (This is where I'm really glad my blog has a readership the size of the electorate in Dixville Notch).

After I'd lost enough weight to make to my weight loss noticeable to others (which took freakin' FOREVER, by the way!) one of the first questions people would ask was, "So how'd you do it?" I, being a literal sort of person, would reply with a brief spiel about calorie counting and increased activity. About 75% of the time the response was a polite smile combined with a puzzled and somehow unsatisfied expression. It took me a long time to realize that, while I was answering the letter of the question, I wasn't answering the spirit of the question, which is this:

How do we keep from quitting?

We've all started self-improvement programs before.We know how to start. We don't know how to finish. We don't know how NOT to quit. (Mass generalization, I realize. Maybe, just maybe, I'm the only perennial quitter out there. But it's January 10th and the broken New Year's resolutions people are talking about make me think that's probably not true.) At some point, even while focusing on progress, not perfection and trying to keep things in balance and take baby steps, there comes a point (or rather, a series of points at varying times and intensities) where we all want to say, "Screw it. I'm done. I'm throwing in the towel because this is too hard and it doesn't really matter and I can't do it and I was stupid to try in the first place."

So where do we go from there? Joking aside, it can be a devastating place to be and we need to prepare for it and have a plan.

1. Recognize the lie.
Look at that last section from second-to-last paragraph. Can you spot all the lies in those statements? First of all, whatever you're attempting does matter. It mattered enough to you to start in first place, and it still matters now even if you can't see it at the moment. Secondly, it's hard, but not too hard, because you are stronger than you know. And finally, you might be stupid, but that's a problem for a different blog. :) Stupid has nothing to do with it. Don't quit.

2. You're already crazy. Talk to yourself and prove it.
I cannot stress enough the importance of self-talk. Stuart Smalley totally had the right idea. Find a mantra (you can call it a slogan if you prefer) and use it. Find something to repeat to yourself when times get tough, something that keeps you going. Affirm yourself when things go well. Celebrate small and large victories. Make sure the people around you are supportive and not negative. Which leads to . . .

3. Don't even try to do this alone. 
Sure, you could achieve something alone, but you don't get any extra points, so why make it any harder than it has to be? Find a support network and use it. These are people who share your struggles, hold you accountable, and provide a shoulder to cry on. If you've got a good support team, quitting becomes much less attractive.

4. Finally, quitting is NEVER an option.
The easiest way not to quit? Remove that option from the table entirely. While you're busy rolling your eyes and scoffing at me, think of all the things in your life you don't quit at every day. You haven't quit brushing your teeth a couple of times a day, right? You haven't quit showering or washing the dishes or taking out the trash (I don't think my blog readership includes any refugees from "Hoarders"). Parents, although you might have been tempted, I'm betting you haven't sent any of your children back to the stork. You don't feel you have a choice to quit in any of those situations, and you're right. Well, if the change you're attempting is really significant enough to you, you don't have a choice here, either. I don't accept your resignation, sorry.

You know what words I hate? Willpower and motivation. Whenever I hear these words or see them in print, I want to facepalm. The reason I don't like these words is because they imply a built-in excuse to quit. When we rely on our willpower or motivation, it becomes way too easy to one day say, "My willpower has run out," or "I have no motivation anymore." Tough. As the Nike ad says: Commitment is what comes after motivation has gone.*


The next post is going to revisit #3 from this list - finding a support community. Ooooh, sounds thrilling!




*I think that was Nike. Dear Nike, please don't sue me. No copyright infringement intended. If you didn't say it, please buy it from me for a large, undisclosed sum. Thanks!